Alright, ladies, last week was not my week. But today I am back with another blog where I ramble about what I think is important. Today that is the importance of choosing to live authentically. The other day, I was listening to my “emo/pop-punk” playlist on Spotify to get me out of a funk and to get motivated to do work. It never fails to hype me up. This time though, I was listening to the lyrics that have implanted themselves into my brain as an adolescent and I realized something. Many of them were no lyrical geniuses (no shade). I mean that song, All Signs Point to Lauderdale by A Day to Remember:
I hate this town, it’s so washed up
And all my friends don’t give a fuck
They’ll tell me that it’s just bad luck
When will I find where I fit in“All Signs Point to Lauderdale” by A Day to Remember
That is a line straight from every suburban teenager’s diary in the early 2000s. Then it hit me. Art is expression. The expression of your truest self, and what makes it so beautiful is when you find that there are people who relate to what you are expressing. Being a teen and listening to those bands and being at a concert where everyone is singing their heart out. There is this sense of belonging. You no longer are feeling alone.
Artistic expression as an avenue to live authentically
All my life I wanted to create and be seen for who I really am. Along the road, I have forgotten exactly who I was and became fearful of being authentic. It just started to seem like every time I displayed my truest self, I would be rejected. Then I subjected myself to individuals who devalued who I truly was. I will be honest, it still feels that way. But now, I am beginning to care less. I am ready to have my voice be heard and be seen.
Still, in the spirit of 11/11 from Wednesday night AND the New Moon this weekend, it is time to reclaim YOUR power. There is no reason to be afraid of who you are, choose to live authentically.
My artistic endeavors as well as many other things I want to pursue are blocked by my fear and obsession of how I will be perceived/if I will be liked. The freedom of art is that you create for yourself first. If someone resonates with it, that is even better. In the age of social media and likes/retweets, we sometimes lose the freedom of expression for our art in the need for impressions.
Recovering people pleaser?
Here comes one of those hard pills to swallow. People pleasing tendencies are developed as a defense mechanism usually in childhood. As children in unstable environments we try to control how others will react to us to remain safe. As we get older and don’t get that in check, we begin to try to control how we are perceived by every single person we meet. That is a tiring life.
We cannot always be in control, and we definitely cannot control what others think of us. But I truly believe it does not matter what anyone else thinks of you, in any situation. Breaking out of this pattern is no easy task and I will not pretend that I am out of it or that I do not struggle with it every day. But who cares who “likes” you if you do not like yourself or feel so disconnected from your truth you forget who you are?
People-pleasing is not self-sustainable. It slowly breaks down who you are and you begin living for everyone except yourself. But there are ways to begin to authentically live your life:
- Create healthy boundaries
- Pick an art medium to express yourself
- Play with makeup and fashion
- Tap into your inner child, do something that she loved to do
- Follow what makes you feel alive
Raise that self-esteem
A big part is living authentically to yourself is establishing some foundation of healthy self-esteem. Again, there are many different approaches to begin to love yourself again or for the first time. Check out my previous blog post on how to regain your self-esteem after 25 for some great tips to give you a starting point. Changing your inner narrative and practicing affirmations have been a lifesaver for me, so much that I have created a free sheet of self-love affirmations just for you. Want them? Sign up for my mailing list and receive it instantly!
I am still figuring it out as well, but I was so excited to have this realization and share it with you. Your life is yours and yours alone. Live loudly, quietly, in or out of the box, however you want! For me, art is my path in walking in my truth. What is your path to begin to live authentically?